A Trip to The 2018 NYC Half Marathon Expo

I don’t know about you, but I have a love-hate relationship with half marathon race expos.

What do I hate about them? Actually…not much, except for the fact that I know I’ll find at least a dozen things priced at over $100 that I’ll want to buy. My favorite gels are now available in a chicken nugget flavor? Put me down for a pallet. Running shoes made out of sourdough bread that scientists say will help me beat my 5K PR by 10 seconds? Give them to me, and give them to me now.

In most cases, I make mental notes of things that I want to shop for on Amazon. Then, I forget those mental notes because they never make the transition from “mental” to “written down.”

This year, my friend Sheraz decided to sign up for the 2018 NYC Half (his first half marathon!!!). I decided that it would be fun to keep a running tally of all the crap that we considered picking up at the expo. Did we cash out our 401Ks to buy moisture-wicking running belts? Let’s find out.

Things That Sheraz Bought

I told Sheraz that I’d meet him at 6:30 last Friday because I wanted to get a haircut. I’m one of the least photogenic runners on the planet, so I figured that I’d try to look a little closer to “fresh af” for this race.

After I picked up my bib, I found him waiting to pay for a half-zip and a headband.

“There’s not a lot out there,” Sheraz said. “But this stuff is pretty cool, right?”

I’m a big fan of branded half-zips that aren’t too in your face, so I nodded my head and said that maybe I should also buy one.

Five minutes later, Sheraz paid for his gear. I must have missed this in the commotion of the whole thing, but he took his receipt and started laughing.

“I just spent $84,” he said.

If it had been my first half marathon, I might have bitten the bullet. But there were two problems. First, I’m cheap. Second, there are a couple video games that I want more, so I passed.

Things That I Made Fun Of, But Then Considered Buying

“WHY IS THIS PONCHO $125?? SHERAZ, TAKE A PICTURE OF ME HOLDING IT.”

That was my first reaction to seeing this jacket. And for a few minutes, I really thought I had the only possible opinion about this thing.

Then I texted the picture to a few of our friends and got the following responses.

“Well, shoot,” I thought. “This would be pretty dope in the rain.”

And if I’m being honest, I’ve spent $125 (and more) on much dumber things in the past.

One time after a bad breakup, I paid $150 for a haircut that looked…no different than any other haircut I’ve ever had. Another time, I spent $200 on a sweater that I wore maybe three times before donating it to Goodwill. So who am I to judge anyone for buying a cool running jacket that’s probably ideal for, well, running?

Thing That I Was Too Superstitious to Buy

“It’s really ballsy to buy a ‘finisher’ shirt before you finish,” Sheraz said upon seeing this.

Yes, Sheraz. Yes it is.

Thing That I Really Wished Was Available to Buy

I know, I know. Not in a million years would this be a practical purchase.

But think about how handy it would be on a Saturday morning when a long run is the last thing you want to do!

“Beep boop beep boop. Richard Moy, it is time for your long run, beep boop beep boop.”

“NO I’M NOT GOING.”

“Richard Moy, there are currently: 35 Dashing Whippets attending today’s ‘Saturday Long Run’ beep boop beep boop.”

“NO.”

“Richard Moy, beep boop beep boop, 35 Dashing Whippets—”

“OK FINE.”

Things That Were Priceless

Last year, we basically forced Sheraz to run a Ragnar Relay with us against his will. After that experience, I thought that he’d never speak to any of us again. But not only are we all still friends, he ran this year’s NYC Half Marathon on his own volition.

“I’m not excited about the climb up the Manhattan Bridge,” Sheraz said as we took this photo.

Spoiler: He crushed the Manhattan Bridge.

Before We Go

As usual, there was a wall with every single runner’s name on it. I was going to leave without searching for mine, but Sheraz ended up locating his within two minutes, so I figured I’d grab a quick picture. The experience eventually devolved from me celebrating another half marathon to me wanting everyone to stop bumping into me because I couldn’t find “Richard Moy” anywhere on the friggin wall.

“Do you need help finding your name?” One volunteer asked me.

“If it’s arranged alphabetically, I hope not!”

“Oh, it’s actually more confusing than that,” she replied.

The whole thing made me want to rip my hair out. Sure, I knew that she was just trying to help. I also knew that finding my name would be anticlimactic at that point. But after spending the better part of ten minutes staring at this wall, I refused to leave the expo without a picture of my stupid name.

Was it worth it? Probably not. But it would have driven me crazy all weekend if I hadn’t taken this picture, which might have affected my race, which would have ruined the rest of my weekend. So…OK, maybe it was worth it, after all.